30 enero 2007

You know that you've been in Sweden too long when....

1. You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you can keep to take to the shop and which ones can be sacrificed for rubbish.

2. The first thing you do upon entering a bank/post office/chemist etc. is to look for the queue number machine.

3. You accept that you will have to queue to take a queue number.<

4. When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume
a: he is drunk
b: he is insane

5. Silence is fun.

6. The reason you take the ferry to Finland is:
a: duty free vodka
b: duty free beer
c: to party hearty...no need to get off the boat in Helsinki, just turn around and do it again on the way back to Sweden.

7. A sharp intake of breath has become part of your vocabulary, as has the
sound ”Jah hahh”

8. Your idea of unforgivable behaviour now includes walking across the street when the light is red and there is no WALK symbol, even though there are no cars in sight.

9. Your bad mood becomes your good mood.

10. Sundays no longer seem dull with all the shops closed, and begin to feel restful instead.

11. "No comment" becomes a conversation strategy.

12. You have only two facial expressions – smiling or blank. Also your arms are just hanging down when you chat with other people.

13. Your old habit of being "fashionably late" is no longer acceptable. You are always on time.

14. Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay

15. You hear loud-talking passengers on the train. You immediately assume
a: they are drunk
b: they are Finnish
c: they are Spanish
d: all of the above

16. You no longer see any problem wearing white socks with sandals.

17. Indoors you wear sandals with socks, regardless of the season.

18. You accept that 80 degrees C in a sauna is chilly, but 20 degrees C outside is freaking hot.

19. An outside temperature of 5 degrees C is mild.

20. It no longer seems excessive to spend 1,000kr on alcohol in a single night

21. You think that riding a bicycle in the snow is a perfectly sensible thing to do.

22. You have conversations with people outside when it is –10C.

23. Someone calls you ”good moron” first thing in the morning and you smile acknowledgement.

24.It's acceptable to eat lunch at 11.00.

25. You associate Friday afternoon with a trip to systembolaget.

26. You think it's more fun to stay at home and drink then go out.

27. You get extremely annoyed when the bus is two minutes late.

28. When a stranger asks you a question in the streets, you think it's normal to just keep walking, saying nothing.

29. You lose any artistic talent whatsoever.

30. You think that if you smoke a joint you will wind up in an insane asylum.

32. You have an uncontrollable urge to mail this list and point out the numbering is incorrect!

33. You assume that anyone who apologises after bumping into you is a tourist.

34. Paying $6 for a cup of coffee seems reasonable.

35. You start to think that having a sauna in the nude with a bunch of strangers is a necessary part of daily life ... and a necessary part of business.

36. You start to differentiate between types of snow.

37. You get offended if, at a dinner party, someone fails to look you in the eyes after raising their glass for a toast

38. Seeing a young woman with lit candles stuck to her head no longer disturbs you.

39. "Candles" are a permanent fixture on your weekly shopping list.

40. You manage to convince yourself that you really enjoy eating potatoes, tuna, pasta and sausages and it's not just because that's all you can afford to eat here.

41. You accept you must walk 2 kilometres to collect your book/tape from the Post Office, because they don't deliver small packages (or large ones)

42. You accept that you will never again wear your beautiful stiletto heels because
a: there's snow everywhere and even if you did then,
b: you still have to take them off at the door which instantly ruins the hitherto glamorous line of whatever you were wearing as you drop, 10cm, onto your flat feet in your short and sexy little black dress. Not the same effect at all.

43. When offered a bottle of beer the first thing you look at is the alcoholic percentage.

44. You use the alcohol percentage-per-kroner standard for measuring the quality of beer and wine.

45. You think it is normal EVERYTHING is regulated and you obey the rules voluntarily.

46. When someone asks you for "sex" you assume they mean half-a-dozen.

47. You will squeeze past somebody rather than say excuse me.

48.Drinking spirits can only be accompanied by formal singing from song sheets and vice versa.

49. You don't get disgusted by the little balls of discarded snus (chewing tobacco) at your feet at every bus stop.

50. You don't even get disgusted by seeing people spit, constantly.

51. You start talking to yourself in Swedish.

52. You take your shoes off when entering a house while visiting your family back home.

53. You can't throw a plastic bottle away with out having a guilty conscience.

54. You find yourself wobbling home from the pub on your bicycle.

55. You hide 5 or 6 bottles of spirits in your suitcase, one or two in your backpack, and put just one in the duty free shopping bag.

56. Trousers/pants tucked into all shoes, including low-top sneakers, seem like reasonable fashion sense.

57. You don’t think twice about calling someone in the next room using your mobile phone.

58. It's normal for a post office to be located inside the local ICA store, where no one can help you.

59 A 25 % sales tax on just about everything is no big deal.

60. You refer to weeks by their number.

61. If you meet someone you haven't seen in ages you just stay right where you are chatting away even if that happens to be in the doorway of a very busy department store.

62. You think the songs played at "The Eurovision song contest" are instant hits.

63. You don't find it strange that they add tax on top of the taxes.

64. You are concerned when the picture on the front page of the paper is not of some completely random person watering their garden or of a child holding an animal.

65. You stop thinking you're being yelled at every time you hear "Hey!"

66. You no longer look for toilets marked specifically male or female.

67. You accept that fruit juice is always made from concentrate.

68. The most interesting report on the news is the weather.

69. You find yourself eating bay-con for breakfast and talking about Bill Clin-ton and taking a trip to Lon-don.

70. Swedes saying Va' to you is still annoying (even after ten years), not to mention that there is no real word for please, or?

71. You think that reading this list is one of the most exciting things you have done for ages.

72. You only leave the country to stockpile cheap alcohol.

73. All of your conversations resemble a chess game, with each participant quietly and patiently awaiting the other to finish their turn.<

74 Even the 140kg amateur body-builder uses the handicapped door-opener instead of "straining" himself and you think nothing of it. In fact, you do it yourself.

75. A seven-year-old with his own mobile phone seems perfectly sensible.

76. You no longer eat yoghurt, you drink it.

77. Three for the price of two is the deal of a lifetime, regardless of what it is. Even 3 for the price of 2 1/2 surprises you.

78. You use a coupon to save 5 kronor on something that costs over 100 kronor.

79. Your wallet contains more plastic than a Hollywood superstar.

80. At Easter, pre-adolescent boys dressing up as old women isn't a sign of a developing psychosis, it's just part of the festivities (although it may explain a few things down the line)

81. Drinking is the fundamental pillar of your social network, be it coffee or alcohol.

82. You aimlessly chat using SMS.

83. A “big strong one” is a beer.

84. When someone says "Cheers" you look at everyone in turn before drinking.

85. You stop converting Swedish crowns into your native currency.

86. It seems sensible that you need to be at least 25 to buy a bottle of red wine.

87. The only thing in your quick memory is “Hej” and “Hej Hej”

88. You think Sweden is big (because you always compare it to Finland, Norway or Iceland)

89. You think is perfectly normal that nobody talks on the bus, train or tunnelbana (or even in the lifter)

90. You accept that people talk to you only when they are really drunk.

91. You accept that the best answer for a question is always "Jag vet inte" meaning "I don't know".

92. Pronouncing Euro as “Evro” makes sense.

93. You think it's acceptable that builders start banging and hammering at 5.30am

94. You are horrified if you see anyone drinking wine with their lunch.

95. You haven't been to the pub on a Monday for five years.

96. You start thinking about the weekend on Wednesday morning.

97. Bouncing without any rythm is what you call to dance.


Sorry, Swedes!!! No offense, but it's fucking true!!!

Extracted (and resumed) from
(this Australian guys are pretty weird also)

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